Thursday, February 15, 2018

Relationship - Valentine's Day Is Over - Now What?

Now that Valentine's Day is over, it is the perfect time to sincerely look for a serious and a stable intimate relationship.
In today's social media, it looks simple and even "promising" to use Facebook and other media to connect with, find and begin an intimate relationship. The risk however is, that "easy" experiences with connecting with others might be "tempting" to just "play" around, "scoring" big with others, having endless sex, "feeling good" about yourself and your ability to meet, and meet, and once again meet...
And as long as you hold on to such a "great feeling" you might become addicted to such "dating games" - of quick, instantaneous encounters which often lead to a one-night-stand...
At the beginning you might feel high, in "heaven": you are a "desired" person; doesn't it feel great to be wanted by so many others on a weekly basis? Doesn't it feel good to "be in control", exercising your ability to see a person for one time only knowing that another person is already waiting to meeting you?
You might feel exhilarated; overjoyed.
But then, how long can such a feeling sustain? How long can you jump from one person to another before beginning to feel like a loser, feeling that your self-esteem begins to deteriorate, realizing that - lo and behold! - you aren't successful in finding and maintaining an intimate relationship that you were hoping for?
So if you have been enrolled on various dating sites simultaneously, have met many "potential" partners and might have even had "fun" - but have come to the conclusion that all these haven't landed you the relationship you desire, it might well be that the time is ripe for you to pursue another approach.
One such approach might be to get to know someone via someone else (a close friend, a work-partner, a family member). This, at times, is a more secured and promising way to finding a meaningful relationship.
Yet, meeting someone via someone else might still confront you with similar known issues, such as: the need to "show" to yourself you are desirable; the need to jump- straight into bed in order to feel you are either a "sexual, attractive" person, or the need to be loved and adored.
These needs - or other ones that you might have, consciously or unconsciously - might trigger in you exactly the same patterns of behavior which have controlled you during your numerous dating attempts until now. Consequently, you might still feel being left alone, lonely, wishing to have a successful intimacy which now might seem even more a remote possibility than before...
A positive and constructive way to begin pursuing your goal of finding and cultivating a healthy, long-term relationship, is by developing your Self-Awareness: by getting to understand the needs which control you and have driven you to behave the way you did with the many dates you might have had.
The process of developing your Self-Awareness is a process of getting in touch with "who you really are"; with getting to understand the powers that control you; with learning to take back the control over your behaviors. It is a process of acknowledging the different ways in which you might have sabotaged yourself and your attempts at relationships until now, and understanding what in your approach and attitudes needs to be changed.
As you proceed with the process of Self-Awareness, you will notice how different things begin to fall into place; how you begin to more clearly see how you might have shot yourself in the foot until now; you will become aware of and begin to understand the patterns of thought and behavior which stood in your way from finding and cultivating a successful intimacy.
With this newly-acquired Self-Awareness you will now be ready to approach dating and potential partners in a new, refreshed way, one which will land you the relationship you have been looking for, such a long time.
Doron Gil, Ph.D., an expert on Self-Awareness and Relationships, is a university teacher, workshop leader, counsellor and consultant, and the author of: "The Self-Awareness Guide to a Successful Intimate Relationship: Understanding Why You Fail in Your Relationships Over and Over Again and Learning How to Stop it!"
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